>OK, I know there’s something ironic about titling a blog post with that blanket statement, but hear me out.
So. I was just doing an exploratory search of the job listings in the Chronicle so far — just exporatory, mind you — and fantasizing about jobs I can’t/won’t apply for or don’t qualify for, and I found a job in my field at the flagship university of my home state. Now, that particular university is in a pretty damn cool town, not far from my home metropolis (which is getting cooler every day, it seems) and really close to the suburbs where the Fizzy Family live. (One drawback: also close to crazy Dad, but he doesn’t drive far any more, so at least I wouldn’t have to worry about unannounced visits. Yes, I worry about these things even in a fantasy.) Plus, it’s a solidly good flagship with a lot of smart kids (Eldest Niece is an alum, after all). Alas and alack, however, it did not have a job in Bullock’s field.
But that’s not the evil part. See, I started doing this “oh how I wish I could be there instead of here” thing I sometimes do on the ‘net, where I start clicking around as if I’m exploring a place I’m actually considering moving to. Sometimes this is pure fantasy, and involves taking virtual tours of the 4 million pound house for sale next door to the Dickens House in Bloomsbury. In this case, it involved clicking around on the Homestate U web site to see my future fantasy employer and colleagues.
And that’s when I was blinded by the face of evil. OK, maybe not really evil. Just incredibly annoying. See, it turns out that someone I thought was a total jerkwad in college, who told someone I was interested in back then that I was a slut (I know! what a jerk!…but lucky for me at the time the guy didn’t listen to Mr. Jerkwad), is now the freakin’ head of an institute at Homestate U and has multiple books, which won multiple awards from This, That, and The Other Professional Society. And he’s only a year older than I am! Ooh, that’s so not right. Why can’t life be like a moralist novel and punish the jerks?! And the worst part of it was seeing his smiley smug face on the web page, as if to say, “Ha ha — I can call women sluts and still be called a ‘scholar’ and win scholarly awards from here to the end of the universe!” It’s like he’s an allegorical figure of Patriarchy itself.
So, see, the internet *is* evil, because I really didn’t need to know this. And had I not followed the clicks, I wouldn’t have known it unless the alum magazine had chosen to profile him (which I supposed is possible, I guess, but he’s not *that* exciting compared to some of the more obviously famous and interesting alum). Dammit, how can I get any work done tonight with the image of Mr. Jerkwad in my head?
On the bright side, however, I no longer covet the job at Homestate U. Of course, envy and general malice have replaced the coveting. Hm. Excuse me while I go do penance of some kind.